I wanted to figure out if I was happy with my job or not.
But I couldn’t understand how to analyse the same.

Then after a little while, when I was working over some content, something clicked. Probably one way (which may sound incongruous to many) to find out the above could be-

I have two gmail accounts. One account is the official account and the other is my personal account.

My official account was open and I saw the barrage of emails and updates from office. All of them speaking volumes about the proactive nature of our agency, the stiff responsibilities, the wide possibility for learning new things. Also, few hard hitting messages from my seniors, stinkers from clients, warnings and other immediate alerts.
That screen gave me thunders. Probably only certain invisible waves of panic, pressure or signals of inducing responsibility I owe to this organization. The expectations I have from my own self, increase tremendously and that just adds to the existing baggage on my brain.

My personal account was open simultaneously in the incognito window. There I could see the innumerable job and internship opportunities that I still keep receiving and also freelance projects to register for. That account contains my blogging updates and all other emailers from my blogger friends.
Probably this screen showed where I started off. What I will be if I resign off work. What I keep coming to, every once in a while, to experience creations. This screen contains ‘art’.

Where is my happiness?

Is it at office, where I still have a plethora of new ventures to learn and explore and get established, grow as a professional and take all daunting challenges even if I’m not keeping well, prove my mettle no matter what; where I get paid with surety and not denied my hard earned money; where I owe this place my name, my work, my inputs and can rightly include the name of this organization to my cv.

Or is it in my personal space, where my work is my own, my achievements and failures are my own, what I create is my own, has my name to it. Where I can still connect with other people, keep people who matter to me close to my life, can make time for them and not be painfully exhausted at all times. I am someone who always wants her words to fly and probably therefore, a client job isn’t something that I’m made for.

Overall, the thing is, I have made peace with my life, as of now, by accepting where I am and how things are going. I don’t really think or analyse about all of that above^ everyday, because it makes me question my co-existence.

Anyway.

These conversations are what you call, ‘RAW’. Straight from the mind, the hidden recesses of the soul. Its good to put everything out there and also knowing what others in the league think about the same.

Would like to know your thoughts and opinions.

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