Something Like This
”Time plays such surreal games,
how it added a permanent name
To those who reside in my heart,
your involvement became a blissful part.
Is it supposed to start so soon?
Or is it another dream on the moon?
Maybe we can define it like this –
before we give this blessing a miss –
If I could gather all the happiness,
and put it in a basket of bliss
I thought somehow to let you know,
that I love you something like this.
And I would bring it just for you,
To create our rainbow with drops of dew
Just to seal it with a perfect wish,
I love you something like this.”
I wrote the above lines in a state of captivated charm, transfixed by the magnanimity of something which cannot be defined- love. Written for a companion, it suited well for the tender beginning of this particular blog, which I’m intending to write on love and relationships. A topic which is a universe in itself, yet, I m just going to touch upon few aspects of prime discussion and importance.
We have been asking for long, what is love? Does it have a definition? Can it even be defined? How does love become the enchanting power, forming the basis of a tangible/intangible association- relationships? Is it only always love? Or there are various other foundations for it?
While attempting to answer all these questions in this particular description, I am sitting here and wondering why must I ? Why do I need to make a statement about relationships, on a social/global platform, when all of us are bound by relationships in our lives? Relations with friends, with teachers, with parents, with siblings, with room-mates, or even with our house help, who comes to perform a few daily chores at home!
Companion or no companion, truthfully, we have had relationships from the day we’d opened our eyes on the face of this planet. The particular aspect and facet of every relation is different, but we are tied to this association from the very beginning. Why I choose to give my take on this topic is because, it hasn’t been a long time, that it dawned upon me, like thunder and lightning, I really have something to say! I have with me, some realistic and logical points of discussion and rational opinions to affirm, trying to pick up few sub-sets from the universe called- relationships.
First and foremost. Relationships are subjective. Absolutely, practically, totally, righteously, SUBJECTIVE. Today, we are living in an age of freedom of act, freedom of expression. Tying a few knots of a social issue, yes, relationships are indeed subjective. It is absolutely incorrect and unjustified, to bulk down this term ‘relationship’, under the umbrella of the typical personal relation/love affair which is shared between a boy and a girl/man and woman/husband and wife.
Today, if we are defining this term just for describing the association shared by a male and female, then, in all clarity, we have turned a blind eye to the various other relationships existing in the world, and more so, growing day by day.
We are turning a blind eye to those who choose to live their lives on their own terms, to those want to accept themselves the way they are, to homosexuality, to gays, to trans genders, to those who WANT to be accepted the way they are. People who are oriented differently, or rather, oriented as per their individuality, go through a humongous and unimaginable amount of interpersonal struggle, to firstly accept their orientation themselves, trying not to be someone they can’t be and also because, their identities, views and interests are not easily accepted by the society.
Moreover and additionally, relationships are also shared on the professional front. We have our colleagues at workplace, we have our heads, bosses, leaders, teachers, guides, mentors. The people we look up to, the people who teach and guide us, who inspire and direct us, who love and appreciate us. Our professional counterparts are of equal importance in our lives, as are our friends, family members as well as companions. These relationships seek honesty, trust, clarity, mutual respect, cordial demeanor and also, sometimes formal conduct.
Therefore, it is high time, that we regard the universal term of ‘relationships’ in the exact said manner, ‘universal’! Gender, status, position, race does not matter, as far as you share a relationship with someone. Be it personal, professional, familial or otherwise. To define a relationship in terms of its classification or bracket, is in fact, worthless. Relationship has no gender, or race. Instead, to express the companionship in every type of relationship you share in your life- is essential and indispensable.
Coming to a secondary issue of discussion- which has not been touched upon by many people. Have you wondered who invented the term ‘boyfriend’, ‘girlfriend’ and why? Frankly, these days, these terms are used by any and every one, from youngsters, to adults. It is used to regard the prominent male/female companion of a particular person, with whom they share an intimate relationship. It is also, (in MY NOT- SO-HUMBLE OPINION) used to appraise the other-half, the person with whom we foresee our future with, also the companion with whom we desire marital bliss.
My simple question is. WHY THESE TERMS???
Why does and since when has the society come up with these terms to regard our best companion as ‘boyfriend’/ ‘girlfriend’? When did this happen and why? I could really go on questioning the significance of these terms, until I get a valid and satisfying explanation/response.
Because, for me, this is baseless and senseless and seems so futile to describe companionship. Our best companion is the one with whom we share our everyday life details, with whom we start and end our busy and hectic days, with whom we express our undying love for, with whom we share the most closest association, with whom we seek love, trust and endless support, with whom we want to grow old, with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. There is so much that we see in that one person, the one person in whose eyes, we see warmth and future with, the one person with whom we want to share every vehement there is- be it happiness, sadness, anger, perpetual excitement, nervousness among all else. That person becomes our smile, our happiness, our strength, our support system and what not.
The sole importance, position and presence of that one person becomes imperative in our lives. Then why do we have to narrow down all this, by just calling them boyfriend/girlfriend? Isn’t it so unfair to just call them that? It hardly gives them justice! Maybe we should come up with much better terms to describe them. Maybe we should call them best companions or better-halves even without a marital bond.
(Till then, I’m just going to go with ‘Prince!’ –(personal experience :p ))
Relationships, on one hand, rendering the most blissful and delightful joys of life, also need to be handled with a lot of care and protection. Ironically, relationships are delicate bonds, yet, being the strongest. They are built with one thread after another, and eventually become an entire yarn of solemn passion, attachment and warmth.
However, they often face the highest number of problems, endure misunderstandings, fights, arguments and disagreements. They are dealt with evils like egotism, negativity, over possessiveness and breach of trust. What is the underlying solution here?
The solution to all this can’t be explained simultaneously. That is because, it is not about the solution. It is about the treatment. It is about the way things are handled. It is about the tone of voice while we are communicating with our partners. It is about the timing. It is about giving appropriate space to one another. It is about understanding and respect. It is about accepting the flaws of your companion. It is about that fire in your heart that keeps the love and passion alive. It is about falling in love with the same person over and over again, every morning and every night. And finally, it is about how you treat your OWN SELF.
Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. You can truly love your companion, only if, you start to love your own self. I have long emphasized on the need to love yourself to myriad of people, friends, acquaintances. It is an absolute necessity of life because until you get comfortable with being alone and loving solidarity, you’ll never know that you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness. Also, we realize our own strengths, weaknesses, attitude and general demeanor, so that, when we share a close association with another person, we are in clarity of how and when we will and must react in particular situations. Peace and solidarity are pre requisites for every person before being in a personal love equation with another person.
That’s the reason why counselors and researchers have proved that, being single is an indispensable phase of our lives. When we are not bound by any anybody or not attached to somebody else’s beauty, only then can we realize our own elegance and charm that we bear within us, our personal vision, magnificence, inner strength and positivity.
Loving your partner is indeed very important, but for that, you must first fall in love with yourself! All the relationship problems, issues and barriers will automatically erase on their own, without us making efforts to eliminate them.
Relationships, be it of any kind must be treasured and cherished with all our heart and soul. They are the essential drive and strength of our lives and require a lot of effort, time and energy, from both the partners, so as to make it grow from strength to strength. It is not a herculean task! It is just a part of life.
As someone very important in my life, truly explained and said this to me-
‘’True love will come to you when you are least expecting it; when you are not prepared for it at all. Love is everywhere and can happen anytime. It is painful at times, but when its someone that deserves it, then it is the best thing in the world.
You never wake up one morning and say I want to love this person. You just fall in love with them. And that is the beauty of real love. Never fear or move away from love.’’
Sharing a few beautiful quotations here (which deserve to be mentioned in this description) from some eminent people-
‘’Love doesn’t come to you in crashing waves or thunder bolts. It appears as a song on the radio or a particular blue in the sky. It dawns on you slowly like a warm winter sunrise – where the promise of summer shines out from within.’’
‘’You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while the briefest of encounters change everything. The heart doesn’t wear a watch – its timeless. It doesn’t care how long you know someone. It doesn’t care if you had a 40 year anniversary if there is no juice in the connection. What the heart cares about is resonance. Resonance that opens it, resonance that enlivens it, resonance that calls it home.’’
We Made Love
‘’I think somewhere in a parallel world, we made love in a garden of wilted flowers. Our trembling hands reaching out to toward the sky, trying to grasp the last watery rays of a dying sun – two hearts colliding and shattering into a million tiny stars’’